Roughly a year and half ago after 19yrs of living with my family I found out that I was adopted. It was shocking, unexpected, and life-changing. Information like this is not typically taken well, and people who react in incorrect ways often find themselves abandoning the very people who chose them, or even trying to block the feelings of confusion and deception with anything from work, sex, relationships, alcoholism, or drug abuse. These things were true for me, I tried to use every single one of these things to try and clear my confusion, and feelings of deceit. But, regardless of how much I drank or smoked (multiple things) or worked or made relationships none of these things made anything better, they just made things worse and worse for me.
It wasn't until I was jerked out of the place I was and completely shook loose from the chains that literally were binding me to the emotions I was feeling, was I able to begin a process of healing and growth. Until I opened my eyes and completely understood that my identity is made perfect in the blood of Christ. I realize that this sounds like total cheese, a 5lb wedge of sharp cheddar if you will; but it's 100% true. Nothing else but the grace, and mercy of God made and makes me able to look past the past and move me steadily towards the future that He has for me. Because we and I are His creation, we and I are plainly under His ownership, and until we submit to this and realize our identity and role in the Kingdom of God are we finally able to achieve the things God has at hand for our lives.
Now as I've returned to the University of Mary Hardin-Baylor I find myself, honestly, easily tempted to return to the habits of old. The only thing that consistently keeps me from them is the knowledge of being called to something greater than what this world has to offer.
Funny Story Alert.
Last year as I was throwing a party at my house, I had an unexpected guest arrive. Not cops, not faculty, not my mom, but a young man whose name wont be mentioned, but rhymes with "Oven Babies". He called me outside of my house for a chat, so of course I some how peeled my inebriated self off my couch and followed. We went out to his car, at least I think it was his car, and he began attempting to speak to me about how as Christians and Christian leaders we are called to strive for something higher than what is of this world. Which at that very time and place I was very well pleasantly participating in such things. Eventually we finished our conversation and I went along with what I was doing before.
The End.
Obviously what my friend had explained to me that night hit home, and has left it's make in me. My hope and what I am finding is that this change is beginning to show its fruits. I find myself engaging others in more meaningful conversations, getting into a rhythm with my disciplines, productivity in my work, and able to share my story (like I am now) more and more often. Through all of my struggles, faults, and failures nothing that I do is not out of the control and understanding of God. The fact of the matter is that God is in control of all things, that all things happen through Him, and all things happen for Him and we as His creation are satisfied in these things.
"You make all things work together for my good." - Jesus Culture, Your Love Never Fails.
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