7 More Days

As I am at my parents home in Normangee it is almost like a dream that in just a weeks time I will be walking into another airport to fly to the home of my heart, Haiti. There is something about that land, that is intoxicating, addictive even. Most people I have talked to have only heard of riots, disease, and corruption; never mentioning the poverty, which as Americans we will never fully understand. Though it is a dangerous island, when one visits the country most experience a surreal feeling, as if it was all a fantasy. When you hear about a place of corruption and where you are not allowed to be out at night one would not expect to find hope and love amongst its inhabitants, but this is the case. Haitian's have experienced so much heart ache in their country that regardless of a 7.0 earthquake, "the bad thing" as many refer to it as, or complete civil war they will never sacrifice their hope for better days for their country. Traveling to the island of Hispaniola and being around the Haitian people is an adventure, awakening the deepest parts of every man who ventures there. It is a enormous blessing that I have been gifted with the opportunity to be there again.

This visit the team and I will be participating in the typical Haitian and Christian holidays; Christmas and New Years. Our main project of the week is cleaning and repainting a nearby school. This is an area that Hope of the Hungry has just recently been ministering to, in that it is a remote village in the mountains where some of the people there have never seen a white person before. We will also be seeing the boys in Guibert again too. This is what I am most excited about, I have missed them to an extent that I have never felt before. Imagining the day that I am able to go be with them is still a day that I have to remain dreaming about, until I board that final plane to Port au Prince in 7 more days.

7in7: Day 6

I'm a little behind on updating my blog with this whole 7in7 thing. I'm finding the frustration of songwriting isn't really actually writing the song, but gathering the time to actually sit down and do it. As a full time student with a job, and other things I'm incredibly busy. Thus the hardest part of this excercise. Day 6 song is called 40 Days and 40 Nights.

Verse 1
It's a slow waltz
And you dont always get
What you wish for
But I'll be damned if I don't

I'd rather just wander
Into a desert
Than to settle for
Anything less than you

Chorus
Where are you?
Are you looking for me?
I've been looking for you
Where are you?

Verse 2
For 40 days and 40 nights
I've been dream'n up dreams about you
Your so close I can almost feel you
But still so far away

It feels like I'm going crazy
Feels like I'm losing control
But theres peace in knowing
that one day I will see you face to face

Chorus
Where are you?
Are you looking for me?
I've been looking for you
Where are you?

Instrumental diddly doos

Chorus 2
I've found you
Were you looking for me?
I've been looking for you
I've found you

Verse 3
So where do we go from here?
Where can't we go from here?

7in7: Day 5

Threw this together in the midst of studying hebrew. It's not my favorite, but it'll do pig, it'll do... Day 5's song is called: Promises

Verse 1
You don't worry about a thing
don't have a care in this world
i'm jsut your ball and chain
but someones got to way you down

Chorus
Cause you don't keep your promises to me
you just keep on running
don't tell me that you love me
cause your just gunna leave me when the morning comes

Verse 2
they way you move your hips around
everybody can see
you want back on the prowl
but you can't if you have me

Chorus
Cause you don't keepy your promises to me
you just keep on running
don't tell me that you love me
cause your just gunna leave me when the morning comes

Bridge
my father's fall, i hear its call, its wanting me to stay
your looks your charm is lock and key, around your finger you have me
the shine is gone, the new is old, and soon you will go

7in7: Day 4

They the hardest part of breaking a habit is getting over the 3 day hump. Hopefully the habit of writing bad songs is what I am getting farther away from. Here's my song from Day 4: Something of New.

Verse 1
its been a long long time since
these eyes have seen anything worth while
i've been a collector of things
particularly of roses, but none as wild as you seem
i'm not easily surprised, i've been around this block
and i've seen a thing or two
but when it comes to you, its a different kind of story
cause i never know whats coming next

Chorus
i am head over heels
its something of old
but you something of new
i dont know what to say
dont know what to do
dont know how i feel about you
i am out on a limb
this is something of whim
but im curious, im curious for you

Verse 2
the days of old
have had their hold on me for far to long
i've made plenty of mistakes
too many to count, but that don't bother you
every second i get to be around you
is like a fresh new breath
cause these weary bones have finally found
somthing that makes them come alive

Chorus
i am head over heels
its something of old
but you something of new
i dont know what to say
dont know what to do
dont know how i feel about you
i am out on a limb
this is something of whim
but im curious, im curious for you

7in7: Day 3

I've been fighting to stay alive during this exercise. It's much more challenging than I previously had anticipated and even more so as I try play catch up because of my knack for laziness.

This song came out of this state of tiredness and desperation, and in turn came out a little different than I had planned. It's called Rapture Me.

Verse 1
Days like today I have nothing
to give, to bring, to lay at your feet
would your mercy pour out
desperate hearts seek you now

Chorus
wont you come and take us
hand in hand to a place
where pain and sorrow can never reach
and we can dance around your feet
wont you come and rapture me

Verse 2
Every rise and fall
are counting down the days left to walk
its not these deeds that'll get me there
but this heart I have left to share

Chorus
wont you come and take us
hand in hand to a place
where pain and sorrow can never reach
and we can dance around your feet
wont you come and rapture me

Bridge
Take me down to the river side may I drink the water as if it were wine
wash me as white as snow may your blood overflow
may these weary bones anew and your light shine through
like the sun your rescue is sure to come

7in7: Day 2

This sucks. It's one thing to produce one song in a day, then have another few moments to go over it and essentially edit it. But now having to to to this in one day, 7 days in a row. . . its like being drowned in your favorite soft drink. You love it, but so much of it and your dead.

I did a little bit of roadtrip'n this weekend and it's put'n me behind, but I still made sure to gather ideas and basic melodies each day. Here's my song from Day 2: A Ghost Like You

Verse 1
I've never seen a ghost that's looked as good as you
I've never known a heart as cold as yours
I've never loved another like I loved you before
you up and left my heart broke on the floor

Chorus
You will remember
What you could have had
Regrets and misjudgments
Will haunt you
Till the day I die

Verse2
I've opened my eyes to see the world around
I've noticed that there are better things than you
So heed this warning, like a train whistle blowing
That I'm moving on, and nothing's stop'n me

Chorus
You will remember
What you could have had
Regrets and misjudgments
Will haunt you
Till the day I die

7in7: Day 1

Like I had said in my previous posting I'm taking part of a songwriting exercise created by the one and only Aaron Ivey. If you haven't heard of this guy check him out at: http://aaronivey.com/. It's called 7in7 because in the next seven days I'll be writing a brand new COMPLETE song every day.

Today was my first day and though I was terrified to begin this process I found that the past few weeks of focusing on my upcoming show, I have actually, surprisingly been storing up inspiration and ideas to write some diddly doo's.

Last night I had the opportunity to attend Brooke Fraser's Flags Tour at The Parish in downtown Austin. As I was waiting in line I couldn't help but be overwhelmed by the amount of people that were hustling and bustling around me. Being from a small town, and raised on a farm the city is almost like another world to me. I do enjoy the city, I enjoy the social atmosphere and community. But I grew up in a place where I knew everyone's name and they knew mine. Where I was able to get up, walk out of my front gate and be in the middle of the woods in mere seconds. These's are the things that inspired my first song HOME.

Verse 1.
What they say is true
This city never sleeps
Nights are wild, the streets are running thick
We only have one choice, but to get out of here quick

Chorus.
Home
I wanna go Home
Where a boy can run
In his fields of green
Home
I wanna go Home

Verse 2.
Easy come easy go
People come, seldom leave
I'll be damned if I get stuck here
Confined to these shades of gray

Chorus.
Home
I wanna go Home
Where a boy can run
In his fields of green
Home
I wanna go Home

Bridge.
Where the meadow larks sing
The stars are on top of you
The skies are wide and blue
The trees they talk to you

Chorus.
Home
I wanna go Home
Where a boy can run
In his fields of green
Home
I wanna go Home

Discernment

I haven't "blogged" in awhile. It probably has alot to do with my past few months back at the University. To give you a quick re-cap; I am incredibly busy with class and organizations, and I've been accepted to go back to Haiti in December. Thus meaning that the majority of the past few weeks have been filled with me attempting to do fund raising to support the cost of my trip. I think my biggest project is a concert I'm putting on next week. There I am actually having merch to sell, a opening band, and putting on a two hour set afterward. Its a little over my head and with the already busy year I'm having I sometimes feel as though I am sinking under the pressure of everything.
I still find myself in the constant control of God. Day to day I feel as if I am in absolute control of my path, and that I'm the only one that can direct, and change what I am, and going to do. But as I continue in my journey, I can not help to notice I have no control. My big question for God this year was, "Where should my ministry be focused?". I love music and teaching the Bible, but I've always have been confused on the fact of which one should I pursue. I've lead worship for a large Southern Baptist church here in central Texas for about a year, and I have also interned at a very large church in the Houston area. But I still have yet to find a decisive sign that is signaling me to one area.
In my search for a sign I've been focusing on music this year. Really trying to understand it and make something of it for once. Every opportunity to play with others, to open for a band, or play on campus I've at least attempted to take hoping that through these exercises and the passion be able to discern some sort of answer. Please don't misunderstand, I know I can't just make my own answer up, God is the only one who can give me that. But that I am constantly looking and hoping for it. Which brings me to some exciting news. Last week I had the chance to hang out and talk to worship leader/songwriter Aaron Ivey, Steven Bush, and Phillip Ellis as they played a House Show at the local college house. Ivey and I had spoken before, since it wasn't his first visit here, but this time we were really able to share alot about something we both have in common. Haiti. It was a blessing to be able to speak with someone that shared a similar passion for ministry and music. Though it was only a fairly brief conversation it was definitely a huge encouragement. I now am taking part in a exercise he's come up with in the past year called "7in7", basically what you do is write 7 complete, and new songs in 7 days. Then on the 8th day you meet up with Ivey and everyone else who is taking part and share a song with the group. I'm really excited about doing this, ecstatic actually even though I know I'm going to write some really really crappy songs in those 7 days.
Not that I'm trying to brown nose my way into a successful artists clique of friends, or trying to show off and impress people by doing this or saying these things. I am merely viewing this as another way of that God is directing me through the discernment of my life's ministry.

Warning: Rant

As a student at the University of Mary Hardin - Baylor I run across and find myself amidst people from all walks of life. Blacks, Internationals, Dallas Folks, Austinites, Public Schooled and the Dreaded Home Schooled. The majority of people on campus are completely and absolutely different. I find this to be a wonderful depiction of the Church, people coming together bringing their talents, gifts, and different perspectives to build another up. But lets get REAL for a split second, though these things may be true, nice and pretty written out. We all know that having them played out in reality is a totally different story.

For me, I have had a past filled with mistakes and incredible victories. I have been blessed with great minds, loving hearts, and unique personalities who have instilled a great time into me. I have also been burdened by trial and error style of learning, experiencing life the hard way one would most likely say. Even though things haven't been the easiest, I wouldn't have changed them for the world. Because I wouldn't be the person I am today with having gone through the pain, heartache, joy, and victories. I have learned that for me, as a imperfect human being, I find myself as a risk taker, willing to push the envelope when necessary, one to view at a level of the future and larger aspect than just the now. I hope and pray that what I do now, regardless how others may feel about it, would leave some sort of positive impact that someone can grow from later. To think that someone may think back about this skinny bearded man and say, "I didn't always agree with what he wanted to do, but I saw his heart, and I'm thankful now for what he attempted to do."

The more and more I explore, think about, and meditate on the current health of our churches, meaning the body, I find that there are a number of people who have the disease we all know, "the consistent christian" John Eldridge says in his book Wild at Heart, this day and age more men are taught to be passive and to be "nice guys", and more women are taught to be aggressive and to be "strong women". But the truth is, the Bible teaches us that men are supposed to be warriors fighting for our beliefs, faith, and women. In the same way, women are supposed to be faithful, supportive, and encouraging, fueling the fire for those men and others around them. I desperately wish that there were more people who were willing to lay themselves out, and risk everything for the simple chance of making a difference in another person life. But the pathetic truth is that because we are so worried about what others are going to think or say about us, or about our own comforts it's almost an impossible task for one to put themselves out on the edge.

As for me, I know how I feel about certain things, and that I may be willing to take risks others may think are absurd. But I pray that I would be more understanding of what others believe, how others were raised, and their process of understanding. That others may not have been as blessed as I when it comes to the training, mentoring, and experiences I have had. But regardless, I would grow in acceptance of others, and they would grow in acceptance of me. That they themselves would grow in spiritual maturity and move from their comfort to a radical life of faith, and taking of risks. I am thankful for who I have been made into, the daily frustrations that remind me of the people around me, and the ways I may be able to positively impact them.

"Let the weight of who you are weigh on the world, and then let them do with it as they will" - John Eldridge, Wild at Heart

What Goes Around, Come Around

Roughly a year and half ago after 19yrs of living with my family I found out that I was adopted. It was shocking, unexpected, and life-changing. Information like this is not typically taken well, and people who react in incorrect ways often find themselves abandoning the very people who chose them, or even trying to block the feelings of confusion and deception with anything from work, sex, relationships, alcoholism, or drug abuse. These things were true for me, I tried to use every single one of these things to try and clear my confusion, and feelings of deceit. But, regardless of how much I drank or smoked (multiple things) or worked or made relationships none of these things made anything better, they just made things worse and worse for me.

It wasn't until I was jerked out of the place I was and completely shook loose from the chains that literally were binding me to the emotions I was feeling, was I able to begin a process of healing and growth. Until I opened my eyes and completely understood that my identity is made perfect in the blood of Christ. I realize that this sounds like total cheese, a 5lb wedge of sharp cheddar if you will; but it's 100% true. Nothing else but the grace, and mercy of God made and makes me able to look past the past and move me steadily towards the future that He has for me. Because we and I are His creation, we and I are plainly under His ownership, and until we submit to this and realize our identity and role in the Kingdom of God are we finally able to achieve the things God has at hand for our lives.

Now as I've returned to the University of Mary Hardin-Baylor I find myself, honestly, easily tempted to return to the habits of old. The only thing that consistently keeps me from them is the knowledge of being called to something greater than what this world has to offer.

Funny Story Alert.

Last year as I was throwing a party at my house, I had an unexpected guest arrive. Not cops, not faculty, not my mom, but a young man whose name wont be mentioned, but rhymes with "Oven Babies". He called me outside of my house for a chat, so of course I some how peeled my inebriated self off my couch and followed. We went out to his car, at least I think it was his car, and he began attempting to speak to me about how as Christians and Christian leaders we are called to strive for something higher than what is of this world. Which at that very time and place I was very well pleasantly participating in such things. Eventually we finished our conversation and I went along with what I was doing before.

The End.

Obviously what my friend had explained to me that night hit home, and has left it's make in me. My hope and what I am finding is that this change is beginning to show its fruits. I find myself engaging others in more meaningful conversations, getting into a rhythm with my disciplines, productivity in my work, and able to share my story (like I am now) more and more often. Through all of my struggles, faults, and failures nothing that I do is not out of the control and understanding of God. The fact of the matter is that God is in control of all things, that all things happen through Him, and all things happen for Him and we as His creation are satisfied in these things.

"You make all things work together for my good." - Jesus Culture, Your Love Never Fails.

First time in a long time

It's been awhile since my last post, and quite frankly a lot has happened since too.

I left Pearland, the church, the internship, the youth, August 11th and have recently moved back to Belton to conquer yet another year at UMHB. My time in Pearland was again a time of learning and sharpening of skills and talents. Jason did another great job of challenging my abilities, emotions, and life style as I work under him at FBC. I have thoroughly enjoyed the past two years of working along side of such great spiritual leaders.

Since coming back to campus I find myself some what re-energized and ready for the school year. I left in May bitter and unhappy with specific people and situations on campus and I honestly wasn't sure how the returning school year would turn out. But to my surprise, with the exception of one or two occasions, this year so far has been a relatively smooth one. My classes are good, most are easy, I have a morning routine, and relationships with friends have been getting better.

In addition to this, FYC has been phenomenal. I will admit I have high standards for most things, its the way I was raised and the way I function. But out of all things FYC has been the one thing that has gone above my expectations every time. We inducted 63 members this year, more than there has ever been and we are meeting in the conference center again; which is where I had FYC when I was just a member. I should probably mention that I am head leader this year, I am constantly humbled and honored that I of all people would be chosen for such an organization.

All in all I'm excited to see how this year unfolds, the beginning has been nice, but we all know it is in the months to come that truly yield the out come of the year.

Prayer

Prayer is such a fickle thing. It's a our life line to God, our direct connection. He hears us, He even looks past our words and into our hearts to what we are really wanting and desiring. He knows the essence of why we are praying. Though we know what prayer looks like between God and His creation, how is prayer suppose to look like on our portion of the equation?

I first began to ponder on this long ago, I never thought I had a problem communicating with God. I would pray every night before I went to bed and prayed for help if I had any issues or situations during the day. But whats the problem with this? Prayer is meant to be much more than simple requests. Prayer is difficult. It soon became difficult for me when I analyzed my communication with Him. What was I asking? What was the content of my heart? What are my true motives of prayer? How often am I praying? What am I conversing with God about? It can be a challenge to communicate with a God, who honestly dosn't need you in any way, shape or form, including your thoughts and concerns towards Him and His Kingdom.

The beautiful thing about this though is that by God allowing us to be able to communicate with Him, is an example of Him actively pursuing and desiring a connection with His creation. Which gives us hope and encourages us to speak with Him about out concerns, thoughts, and even just our daily lives.

So again, how is our prayer life supposed to look? If our job as Christians is to be as much like God as possible, and God is actively pursuing use, then we should in part be doing the same. We in our day to day lives, schedules, and patterns must be communicating to God in confession, honesty, joy, and praise. But also we should be doing the same for the people in our lives as well.

Honestly interceding for others in prayer is probably the easiest and most important thing to do in our walk of Christian Spirituality. If we have people that we deeply care about, if we have children, or if we have a spouse, should it not be natural for us to lift those people up in prayer to God?

This has been a focus of mine in the previous weeks. That my prayer life should be edifying towards others and God, also including my confession and honesty in addition. Would you join me in this?

Haiti: Part 3/ Work

Often times I find myself in a power struggle with God. Me being the indefinite loser of all battles, wars, and skirmishes, of course. I have insecurities issues, which typically leads to me trying to prove myself in some way or another to show myself and others I am independent and capable. In case you didn't know you can't really do that with God. He is and will be infinitely in control and master of all things forever and ever, not I.

While in Guibert, our job was to build temporary schools for the village. They we're almost like stalls you would keep livestock in without the fences, or animals. . . We placed blackboard material on the insides so they could write on the walls without ruining them, and metal roofs to protect them from the rain. Because Haiti is a tropical climate, it rains almost constantly during the spring and summer. My team and I successfully built these schools in a remarkable 3 days, when we actually thought we would be working on them for the entire week.

To say the least I was proud of what I had accomplished, especially since growing up my family really didn't think I was made out for manual labor. I had proven my family wrong in that I was one of the two men on the team, and had done the majority of cutting and nailing the schools together. We soon gathered the rest of the members of the team who had been working on other things around the village. We sat under the schools and began to pray and sing praises to God. As we began to sing, it also began to rain. . . We in turn would try to sing louder than the rain, but for some reason it began to rain so hard on the metal roofs that we couldn't even hear our own voices. No matter how loud or hard we tried to out sing God, He showed us how beautiful He could sound with something with some as small and trivial as rain. We soon began to stop singing and sat and soaked ourselves in God's majesty. It was a humbling experience to say the least.

Soon after the rain subsided, we began to pray and give thanks to God for his glory, power, and mercy on us to be able to build something so important for someone else. Honestly I was still feeling as if I alone had accomplished the task by myself, even after God's deafening rain. But then I looked up toward the mountains, and to the valley that was between us. Even though it had stopped raining the clouds were still close by, and soon closed in on us. Before I knew it I was immersed in side a cloud. I couldn't see more than 3 feet in front of me, my clothes and body were completely soaked with the condensation of the cloud. My pride was crushed. God showed me how pathetic my little lean-to shack was to His cloud, composed of so much mystery and wonder that I could barely wrap my mind around it.

This moment in Haiti stood and stands out to me above almost all the other experiences. Just when I thought I knew God, and had him in the palm of my hand; God proved me wrong once again. I remember this "cloud experience" every time I think about starting a war with God. Sometimes it helps me to remember my place, and sometimes it doesn't, but all in all He revealed to me a minute portion of His wonder, mystery, and power that surpasses anything I could ever hope or dream to be. I find peace in knowing that there is a God in absolute control of my life.

Rejoice

While taking a break from my Haiti series that I have recently started. I've moved back to Pearland for the summer, till August 12th to be exact. It's quite refreshing to be back, surrounded by friends, positive leaders, and fully practicing ministry once again. It's what I live for, it's what I search for and no matter where I go this has been the one place I've actually have found it. I've considered transferring to Houston Baptist so I could be fully emersed in this community. But God has not released me to do those things yet. For some reason apart from my own, UMHB is where I am supposed to struggle, fail, grown and learn at the moment. I rejoice for God's plan for me is perfect in all ways.

Haiti: Part 3/ The way up the mountain

While in Haiti our days began with waking up at 6:30am, getting dressed and cleaned up, followed by our personal quiet time, and a traditional Haitian breakfast. A traditional Haitian breakfast consisted of lots and lots of fruit. Pineapple, mango, bannanas all freshly picked from the trees and sliced that very morning. In addition to the best dang coffee that I've ever had in m entire life, which I was lucky enough to bring back to the states with me. After our meal, we soon prepared ourselves for the day by apply sunscreen and bug replant, along with packing plenty of water. We would then pile into our means of transportation for the week. The infamous "Tap-Tap" this was a large flat bed truck that had benches installed in the back with a large metal covering protecting its passengers. You could squeeze into the cab or back, sit ontop of the canopy, or hang off the back by holding on to bars. I perferred to hold on to the bars, that way I wouldn't be bounced around in the back and be bruised. . . Because that did happen.

I write about this because the way up the mountain to the boys home where we were working reminded me so much of our walk with God. We would leave the house of Pastor Jean Helix and travel down a semi paved road, some places were smooth and some where rough. There were even some place that we were literally off-roading over rocks, dips, and limbs. It reminded me of how in our lives we go through really good times, where things are smooth and relaxing. Then other times when we experience speed bumps and find ourselves in holes (which I can give personal testament to). As we moved down the road we passed through markets where there would be crowds and crowds of people. Some would even jump on and ride with us for a few minutes to there chosen destination. Other times we would be the only thing on the road for miles in total solitude. This reminds me of how we also go through times of total solitude where we feel as though it is only ourselves, and times when you are in constant fellowship and accountability. Finally while traveling up the mountain the scenery was incredible, the views of cliffs, valleys, foliage, and wildlife. In the big scheme of things when we sit back and look at the different phases in life, and as we traveled, the beauty never left. Even in a desert there is life, and this is exactly the beauty, mystery and relativity that I experienced in Haiti, and of which I hope I have relayed to you.

Haiti: Part 2/The Airport

I enjoy flying, but I hate roller coasters. There's something about an airplane that I find thrilling and safe. Because it's not heights I'm afraid of, but instability and I find the enclosure, seat belts, and flight attendants comforting when traveling hundreds of miles an hour, miles above the earths surface. But if there is one down fall to flying, it has to be the airports. Airports stress me out, I'm always worried if I have the right stuff in the right sized zip-lock bag. I also get a little nervous about traveling because since I received my passport as a high school junior, I've gained a beard, glasses, earrings, and less hair. So it really wouldn't be out of place if they thought I was someone else, and not Jonathan Scott Dean, SS# _ _ _ - _ _ - _ _ _ _ .

Our Haiti team was split up, because we were traveling to Miami during spring break so airline tickets were hard to come by to say the least. So Dan, Zach, Bethany, and I flew from Houston and the rest of the team departed from DFW. Apart from driving from Belton, spending the night in my place of birth Humble, and getting woken up by gun shots outside our window (thus the reason why I was only born there and didn't grow up there) and leaving for Miami at 6 in the morning; our team was soon reunited.

We gathered together in the Miami Terminal waiting patiently for our flight to Haiti. As we waited, our nerves built and the anxiety came. Others started to gather around us, who were going to be traveling on the plane with us. We noticed accents, and languages we couldn't recognize. We were scared of what was to come and the experiences that would soon be at hand. An at that very instant when all of these emotions were about to boil over, God sent us reassurance. Reassurance came in the form of a Haitian man whose names has left me, and I can not remember. He was traveling back to see his mother, his last remaining relative after being in the states for school and work for the past ten years. He was interested why a group of 13 American youth would be traveling to a third world country during spring break. so we did what was only natural to do in those sorts of situations; we told him our story. To our amazement, a man who had come from a country who the vast majority of the people practice voodoo, this man that just so happened to cross paths with us, was in fact a believer, and studying to become a pastor. As almost to counter act the nerves that were attacking us, he began to encourage us about our journey. He told us in almost a poetic sense, "Do not be afraid, for the people of Haiti know why you have come. They will be happy and excited to see you, for they know why you have come. Do not be afraid." After we finished our conversation, we prayed for each other. Then we boarded the plane bound for Haiti.

The plane was a typical Southwest plane, with the flight attendants, tv's, bathrooms, and of course seat belts. The flight was only about two hours in length which for the majority of I slept.



But I woke up. An we began our decent to the city of Port au Prince. As I looked out my window I could see the buildings, a sea of grey pressed against a wall of crystal blue ocean. In the midst of the grey were eerie splashes of white and blue tent cities within the city. At the sight of this the airplane grew silent, and the anxiety among the passengers grew as the plane began to land. As we came closer and closer to the runway the buildings, and the images from CNN and Fox News became reality. We landed the plane on a thin barely paved road in a middle of a field, the actual airport was by no means like that of a typical American airport. There was no air conditioning, and we went through customs and baggage claim in a large metal building. Baggage claim consisted of rummaging through piles of luggage around the room, and personally finding and carrying out your luggage on large carts like you would rent from a hotel. No automated luggage carousel.

Once we gathered our gear, we went out into the street to find our ride, Pastor Jean Helix. We exited the airport with our carts pushing through the crowds of Haitian men, young and old, who were trying to offer their help to us for a price. We literally had to push people out of our way and away from our cart because we were afraid they were going either steal our luggage or us. We passed and looked passed beggars and children who pulled on our clothes in hopes of food or coins from our pockets. We moved into the street dodging cars and motorcycles, and walking into puddle of "God-Knows-What". But in reality the "water" puddles that formed on the streets were mostly made up of urine, feces, sewage, and fluid from decomposing bodies. We washed our shoes, pants, and legs when we got to our place of residence to say the least. But then we soon were directed to our means of transportation, "tap-tap" as the locals call it. Which is basically a large flat bed truck with a covering and benches in the back of it for passengers and luggage. It felt like a thousand pounds was lifted off my chest when we found Pastor Jean Helix and were finally on our way to his home.

Haiti: Part 1

I went to Haiti during spring break this year. I haven't really talked about it to anyone, mostly because I've been so busy coming back to campus and trying to work on grades, organizations, and relationships. As a result I haven't really taken time to express the emotional aspects of my journey. An the main reason this has been inspired is because I was interviewed by our campus newspaper, where I had to regurgitate all of the feelings and experiences from the trip. Which made me realize it was really important to write my journey in words for myself, and also for others who maybe interested about the trip and my life.



I didn't decide to go to Haiti just because of the earthquake, I've actually have been patiently waiting for God's call to go. It just so happened that God's call came when the earthquake occurred. The weeks before the trip I had to attend preparation meetings, in addition to spiritual readiness I was doing on my own. But honestly you can never really be prepared for a journey like that traveling to a third world country.

In Haiti we stayed at the pastors house, which even without central air conditioning was nicer than some American houses. We were given tasks for week, I was placed to work on building a school for the kids of Guibert, and others where given the job of building and fortifying rafters in the church. All of these tasks were accomplished and we were able to pass out large camping tents to people in the village that did not have any kind of structure to protect themselves from the elements. This was the basic physical tasks that we did and accomplished while we were there. In addition to bonding and building relationships with the orphans at the boys home.

The journey and the events were literally life changing and in the next months and weeks I'll will hopefully be posting specific stories from my trip. Please be in prayer for our constant battle against the enemy, my personal spiritual wellness, and the kingdom and people of God around the world.

Hide and Seek

First I'd like to apologize if my blogs seem like I'm venting or even depressed and hopless. I feel like sometimes this is were I come to let out all my frustrations and anxiety. Which is true. . .
But anyways.. Lately life has been good for the most part. I've been reading alot of literature which is not usual for me, and I have been eating very healthy which is also weird. Cause typically I'm the guy who always has some sort of soft drink or greasy fast food hamburger in his hand. So things are oddly enough changing for the better.

Most recently I've been reading Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. Miller does a great job of making you think, I really don't like to think personally its just not my style... But I guess "thinking more" goes along with my whole change thing I'm doing. But Miller brings up alot of doubt and questioning yourself. Which for some situations its a great idea. I really need to question myself in certain aspects of my own life, probably more often than I normally do. But that brings me to what I want to talk about now.

It's been circling in my head over and over again. We even talked about it Sunday in College group. But after talking about our relationship with God and man, and how they all go together, and intertwine with each other, Grant asked us to write something that was hindering our relationship with God down on a piece of paper so he and some other could pray over them.
Well this is a longer version of what I wrote,

"I feel as though God and I are playing a game of Hide and Seek. I understand that I am supposed to be constantly pursuing God, and that he is pursuing me aswell. But we're always told that we are never going to be perfect, and we are never going to know anything. So why should we even attempt at it if we are never going to achieve what we are supposed to be striving for. Its asthough God and I take turns hiding and searching for each other. Eventually we have time to sit and rest in one another, discuss things, and enjoy each others presence. But only to start another game again. It seems like a hopeless and exhausting situation to place ones self in. So the question stand.... Why are we supposed to be chasing after a seemingly hopeless cause?"

I apologize again for the negativity, but is this not a very apparent issue? I know my heart, and I know my responsibility as a Christian and how I am supposed to pursue Christ, and I plan on continuing this. But if I'm never going to achieve my goal that I've set out for, then whats the point? Hopefully I'll soon respond with answer and maybe a story of my results. Until then, Live Long and Prosper.