First I'd like to apologize if my blogs seem like I'm venting or even depressed and hopless. I feel like sometimes this is were I come to let out all my frustrations and anxiety. Which is true. . .
But anyways.. Lately life has been good for the most part. I've been reading alot of literature which is not usual for me, and I have been eating very healthy which is also weird. Cause typically I'm the guy who always has some sort of soft drink or greasy fast food hamburger in his hand. So things are oddly enough changing for the better.
Most recently I've been reading Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. Miller does a great job of making you think, I really don't like to think personally its just not my style... But I guess "thinking more" goes along with my whole change thing I'm doing. But Miller brings up alot of doubt and questioning yourself. Which for some situations its a great idea. I really need to question myself in certain aspects of my own life, probably more often than I normally do. But that brings me to what I want to talk about now.
It's been circling in my head over and over again. We even talked about it Sunday in College group. But after talking about our relationship with God and man, and how they all go together, and intertwine with each other, Grant asked us to write something that was hindering our relationship with God down on a piece of paper so he and some other could pray over them.
Well this is a longer version of what I wrote,
"I feel as though God and I are playing a game of Hide and Seek. I understand that I am supposed to be constantly pursuing God, and that he is pursuing me aswell. But we're always told that we are never going to be perfect, and we are never going to know anything. So why should we even attempt at it if we are never going to achieve what we are supposed to be striving for. Its asthough God and I take turns hiding and searching for each other. Eventually we have time to sit and rest in one another, discuss things, and enjoy each others presence. But only to start another game again. It seems like a hopeless and exhausting situation to place ones self in. So the question stand.... Why are we supposed to be chasing after a seemingly hopeless cause?"
I apologize again for the negativity, but is this not a very apparent issue? I know my heart, and I know my responsibility as a Christian and how I am supposed to pursue Christ, and I plan on continuing this. But if I'm never going to achieve my goal that I've set out for, then whats the point? Hopefully I'll soon respond with answer and maybe a story of my results. Until then, Live Long and Prosper.
