Prayer is such a fickle thing. It's a our life line to God, our direct connection. He hears us, He even looks past our words and into our hearts to what we are really wanting and desiring. He knows the essence of why we are praying. Though we know what prayer looks like between God and His creation, how is prayer suppose to look like on our portion of the equation?
I first began to ponder on this long ago, I never thought I had a problem communicating with God. I would pray every night before I went to bed and prayed for help if I had any issues or situations during the day. But whats the problem with this? Prayer is meant to be much more than simple requests. Prayer is difficult. It soon became difficult for me when I analyzed my communication with Him. What was I asking? What was the content of my heart? What are my true motives of prayer? How often am I praying? What am I conversing with God about? It can be a challenge to communicate with a God, who honestly dosn't need you in any way, shape or form, including your thoughts and concerns towards Him and His Kingdom.
The beautiful thing about this though is that by God allowing us to be able to communicate with Him, is an example of Him actively pursuing and desiring a connection with His creation. Which gives us hope and encourages us to speak with Him about out concerns, thoughts, and even just our daily lives.
So again, how is our prayer life supposed to look? If our job as Christians is to be as much like God as possible, and God is actively pursuing use, then we should in part be doing the same. We in our day to day lives, schedules, and patterns must be communicating to God in confession, honesty, joy, and praise. But also we should be doing the same for the people in our lives as well.
Honestly interceding for others in prayer is probably the easiest and most important thing to do in our walk of Christian Spirituality. If we have people that we deeply care about, if we have children, or if we have a spouse, should it not be natural for us to lift those people up in prayer to God?
This has been a focus of mine in the previous weeks. That my prayer life should be edifying towards others and God, also including my confession and honesty in addition. Would you join me in this?
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Friday, June 4, 2010
Haiti: Part 3/ Work
Often times I find myself in a power struggle with God. Me being the indefinite loser of all battles, wars, and skirmishes, of course. I have insecurities issues, which typically leads to me trying to prove myself in some way or another to show myself and others I am independent and capable. In case you didn't know you can't really do that with God. He is and will be infinitely in control and master of all things forever and ever, not I.
While in Guibert, our job was to build temporary schools for the village. They we're almost like stalls you would keep livestock in without the fences, or animals. . . We placed blackboard material on the insides so they could write on the walls without ruining them, and metal roofs to protect them from the rain. Because Haiti is a tropical climate, it rains almost constantly during the spring and summer. My team and I successfully built these schools in a remarkable 3 days, when we actually thought we would be working on them for the entire week.
To say the least I was proud of what I had accomplished, especially since growing up my family really didn't think I was made out for manual labor. I had proven my family wrong in that I was one of the two men on the team, and had done the majority of cutting and nailing the schools together. We soon gathered the rest of the members of the team who had been working on other things around the village. We sat under the schools and began to pray and sing praises to God. As we began to sing, it also began to rain. . . We in turn would try to sing louder than the rain, but for some reason it began to rain so hard on the metal roofs that we couldn't even hear our own voices. No matter how loud or hard we tried to out sing God, He showed us how beautiful He could sound with something with some as small and trivial as rain. We soon began to stop singing and sat and soaked ourselves in God's majesty. It was a humbling experience to say the least.
Soon after the rain subsided, we began to pray and give thanks to God for his glory, power, and mercy on us to be able to build something so important for someone else. Honestly I was still feeling as if I alone had accomplished the task by myself, even after God's deafening rain. But then I looked up toward the mountains, and to the valley that was between us. Even though it had stopped raining the clouds were still close by, and soon closed in on us. Before I knew it I was immersed in side a cloud. I couldn't see more than 3 feet in front of me, my clothes and body were completely soaked with the condensation of the cloud. My pride was crushed. God showed me how pathetic my little lean-to shack was to His cloud, composed of so much mystery and wonder that I could barely wrap my mind around it.
This moment in Haiti stood and stands out to me above almost all the other experiences. Just when I thought I knew God, and had him in the palm of my hand; God proved me wrong once again. I remember this "cloud experience" every time I think about starting a war with God. Sometimes it helps me to remember my place, and sometimes it doesn't, but all in all He revealed to me a minute portion of His wonder, mystery, and power that surpasses anything I could ever hope or dream to be. I find peace in knowing that there is a God in absolute control of my life.
While in Guibert, our job was to build temporary schools for the village. They we're almost like stalls you would keep livestock in without the fences, or animals. . . We placed blackboard material on the insides so they could write on the walls without ruining them, and metal roofs to protect them from the rain. Because Haiti is a tropical climate, it rains almost constantly during the spring and summer. My team and I successfully built these schools in a remarkable 3 days, when we actually thought we would be working on them for the entire week.
To say the least I was proud of what I had accomplished, especially since growing up my family really didn't think I was made out for manual labor. I had proven my family wrong in that I was one of the two men on the team, and had done the majority of cutting and nailing the schools together. We soon gathered the rest of the members of the team who had been working on other things around the village. We sat under the schools and began to pray and sing praises to God. As we began to sing, it also began to rain. . . We in turn would try to sing louder than the rain, but for some reason it began to rain so hard on the metal roofs that we couldn't even hear our own voices. No matter how loud or hard we tried to out sing God, He showed us how beautiful He could sound with something with some as small and trivial as rain. We soon began to stop singing and sat and soaked ourselves in God's majesty. It was a humbling experience to say the least.
Soon after the rain subsided, we began to pray and give thanks to God for his glory, power, and mercy on us to be able to build something so important for someone else. Honestly I was still feeling as if I alone had accomplished the task by myself, even after God's deafening rain. But then I looked up toward the mountains, and to the valley that was between us. Even though it had stopped raining the clouds were still close by, and soon closed in on us. Before I knew it I was immersed in side a cloud. I couldn't see more than 3 feet in front of me, my clothes and body were completely soaked with the condensation of the cloud. My pride was crushed. God showed me how pathetic my little lean-to shack was to His cloud, composed of so much mystery and wonder that I could barely wrap my mind around it.
This moment in Haiti stood and stands out to me above almost all the other experiences. Just when I thought I knew God, and had him in the palm of my hand; God proved me wrong once again. I remember this "cloud experience" every time I think about starting a war with God. Sometimes it helps me to remember my place, and sometimes it doesn't, but all in all He revealed to me a minute portion of His wonder, mystery, and power that surpasses anything I could ever hope or dream to be. I find peace in knowing that there is a God in absolute control of my life.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Rejoice
While taking a break from my Haiti series that I have recently started. I've moved back to Pearland for the summer, till August 12th to be exact. It's quite refreshing to be back, surrounded by friends, positive leaders, and fully practicing ministry once again. It's what I live for, it's what I search for and no matter where I go this has been the one place I've actually have found it. I've considered transferring to Houston Baptist so I could be fully emersed in this community. But God has not released me to do those things yet. For some reason apart from my own, UMHB is where I am supposed to struggle, fail, grown and learn at the moment. I rejoice for God's plan for me is perfect in all ways.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Haiti: Part 3/ The way up the mountain
While in Haiti our days began with waking up at 6:30am, getting dressed and cleaned up, followed by our personal quiet time, and a traditional Haitian breakfast. A traditional Haitian breakfast consisted of lots and lots of fruit. Pineapple, mango, bannanas all freshly picked from the trees and sliced that very morning. In addition to the best dang coffee that I've ever had in m entire life, which I was lucky enough to bring back to the states with me. After our meal, we soon prepared ourselves for the day by apply sunscreen and bug replant, along with packing plenty of water. We would then pile into our means of transportation for the week. The infamous "Tap-Tap" this was a large flat bed truck that had benches installed in the back with a large metal covering protecting its passengers. You could squeeze into the cab or back, sit ontop of the canopy, or hang off the back by holding on to bars. I perferred to hold on to the bars, that way I wouldn't be bounced around in the back and be bruised. . . Because that did happen.
I write about this because the way up the mountain to the boys home where we were working reminded me so much of our walk with God. We would leave the house of Pastor Jean Helix and travel down a semi paved road, some places were smooth and some where rough. There were even some place that we were literally off-roading over rocks, dips, and limbs. It reminded me of how in our lives we go through really good times, where things are smooth and relaxing. Then other times when we experience speed bumps and find ourselves in holes (which I can give personal testament to). As we moved down the road we passed through markets where there would be crowds and crowds of people. Some would even jump on and ride with us for a few minutes to there chosen destination. Other times we would be the only thing on the road for miles in total solitude. This reminds me of how we also go through times of total solitude where we feel as though it is only ourselves, and times when you are in constant fellowship and accountability. Finally while traveling up the mountain the scenery was incredible, the views of cliffs, valleys, foliage, and wildlife. In the big scheme of things when we sit back and look at the different phases in life, and as we traveled, the beauty never left. Even in a desert there is life, and this is exactly the beauty, mystery and relativity that I experienced in Haiti, and of which I hope I have relayed to you.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Haiti: Part 2/The Airport
I enjoy flying, but I hate roller coasters. There's something about an airplane that I find thrilling and safe. Because it's not heights I'm afraid of, but instability and I find the enclosure, seat belts, and flight attendants comforting when traveling hundreds of miles an hour, miles above the earths surface. But if there is one down fall to flying, it has to be the airports. Airports stress me out, I'm always worried if I have the right stuff in the right sized zip-lock bag. I also get a little nervous about traveling because since I received my passport as a high school junior, I've gained a beard, glasses, earrings, and less hair. So it really wouldn't be out of place if they thought I was someone else, and not Jonathan Scott Dean, SS# _ _ _ - _ _ - _ _ _ _ .
Our Haiti team was split up, because we were traveling to Miami during spring break so airline tickets were hard to come by to say the least. So Dan, Zach, Bethany, and I flew from Houston and the rest of the team departed from DFW. Apart from driving from Belton, spending the night in my place of birth Humble, and getting woken up by gun shots outside our window (thus the reason why I was only born there and didn't grow up there) and leaving for Miami at 6 in the morning; our team was soon reunited.
We gathered together in the Miami Terminal waiting patiently for our flight to Haiti. As we waited, our nerves built and the anxiety came. Others started to gather around us, who were going to be traveling on the plane with us. We noticed accents, and languages we couldn't recognize. We were scared of what was to come and the experiences that would soon be at hand. An at that very instant when all of these emotions were about to boil over, God sent us reassurance. Reassurance came in the form of a Haitian man whose names has left me, and I can not remember. He was traveling back to see his mother, his last remaining relative after being in the states for school and work for the past ten years. He was interested why a group of 13 American youth would be traveling to a third world country during spring break. so we did what was only natural to do in those sorts of situations; we told him our story. To our amazement, a man who had come from a country who the vast majority of the people practice voodoo, this man that just so happened to cross paths with us, was in fact a believer, and studying to become a pastor. As almost to counter act the nerves that were attacking us, he began to encourage us about our journey. He told us in almost a poetic sense, "Do not be afraid, for the people of Haiti know why you have come. They will be happy and excited to see you, for they know why you have come. Do not be afraid." After we finished our conversation, we prayed for each other. Then we boarded the plane bound for Haiti.
The plane was a typical Southwest plane, with the flight attendants, tv's, bathrooms, and of course seat belts. The flight was only about two hours in length which for the majority of I slept.
But I woke up. An we began our decent to the city of Port au Prince. As I looked out my window I could see the buildings, a sea of grey pressed against a wall of crystal blue ocean. In the midst of the grey were eerie splashes of white and blue tent cities within the city. At the sight of this the airplane grew silent, and the anxiety among the passengers grew as the plane began to land. As we came closer and closer to the runway the buildings, and the images from CNN and Fox News became reality. We landed the plane on a thin barely paved road in a middle of a field, the actual airport was by no means like that of a typical American airport. There was no air conditioning, and we went through customs and baggage claim in a large metal building. Baggage claim consisted of rummaging through piles of luggage around the room, and personally finding and carrying out your luggage on large carts like you would rent from a hotel. No automated luggage carousel.
Once we gathered our gear, we went out into the street to find our ride, Pastor Jean Helix. We exited the airport with our carts pushing through the crowds of Haitian men, young and old, who were trying to offer their help to us for a price. We literally had to push people out of our way and away from our cart because we were afraid they were going either steal our luggage or us. We passed and looked passed beggars and children who pulled on our clothes in hopes of food or coins from our pockets. We moved into the street dodging cars and motorcycles, and walking into puddle of "God-Knows-What". But in reality the "water" puddles that formed on the streets were mostly made up of urine, feces, sewage, and fluid from decomposing bodies. We washed our shoes, pants, and legs when we got to our place of residence to say the least. But then we soon were directed to our means of transportation, "tap-tap" as the locals call it. Which is basically a large flat bed truck with a covering and benches in the back of it for passengers and luggage. It felt like a thousand pounds was lifted off my chest when we found Pastor Jean Helix and were finally on our way to his home.
Our Haiti team was split up, because we were traveling to Miami during spring break so airline tickets were hard to come by to say the least. So Dan, Zach, Bethany, and I flew from Houston and the rest of the team departed from DFW. Apart from driving from Belton, spending the night in my place of birth Humble, and getting woken up by gun shots outside our window (thus the reason why I was only born there and didn't grow up there) and leaving for Miami at 6 in the morning; our team was soon reunited.
We gathered together in the Miami Terminal waiting patiently for our flight to Haiti. As we waited, our nerves built and the anxiety came. Others started to gather around us, who were going to be traveling on the plane with us. We noticed accents, and languages we couldn't recognize. We were scared of what was to come and the experiences that would soon be at hand. An at that very instant when all of these emotions were about to boil over, God sent us reassurance. Reassurance came in the form of a Haitian man whose names has left me, and I can not remember. He was traveling back to see his mother, his last remaining relative after being in the states for school and work for the past ten years. He was interested why a group of 13 American youth would be traveling to a third world country during spring break. so we did what was only natural to do in those sorts of situations; we told him our story. To our amazement, a man who had come from a country who the vast majority of the people practice voodoo, this man that just so happened to cross paths with us, was in fact a believer, and studying to become a pastor. As almost to counter act the nerves that were attacking us, he began to encourage us about our journey. He told us in almost a poetic sense, "Do not be afraid, for the people of Haiti know why you have come. They will be happy and excited to see you, for they know why you have come. Do not be afraid." After we finished our conversation, we prayed for each other. Then we boarded the plane bound for Haiti.
The plane was a typical Southwest plane, with the flight attendants, tv's, bathrooms, and of course seat belts. The flight was only about two hours in length which for the majority of I slept.
But I woke up. An we began our decent to the city of Port au Prince. As I looked out my window I could see the buildings, a sea of grey pressed against a wall of crystal blue ocean. In the midst of the grey were eerie splashes of white and blue tent cities within the city. At the sight of this the airplane grew silent, and the anxiety among the passengers grew as the plane began to land. As we came closer and closer to the runway the buildings, and the images from CNN and Fox News became reality. We landed the plane on a thin barely paved road in a middle of a field, the actual airport was by no means like that of a typical American airport. There was no air conditioning, and we went through customs and baggage claim in a large metal building. Baggage claim consisted of rummaging through piles of luggage around the room, and personally finding and carrying out your luggage on large carts like you would rent from a hotel. No automated luggage carousel.
Once we gathered our gear, we went out into the street to find our ride, Pastor Jean Helix. We exited the airport with our carts pushing through the crowds of Haitian men, young and old, who were trying to offer their help to us for a price. We literally had to push people out of our way and away from our cart because we were afraid they were going either steal our luggage or us. We passed and looked passed beggars and children who pulled on our clothes in hopes of food or coins from our pockets. We moved into the street dodging cars and motorcycles, and walking into puddle of "God-Knows-What". But in reality the "water" puddles that formed on the streets were mostly made up of urine, feces, sewage, and fluid from decomposing bodies. We washed our shoes, pants, and legs when we got to our place of residence to say the least. But then we soon were directed to our means of transportation, "tap-tap" as the locals call it. Which is basically a large flat bed truck with a covering and benches in the back of it for passengers and luggage. It felt like a thousand pounds was lifted off my chest when we found Pastor Jean Helix and were finally on our way to his home.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Haiti: Part 1
I went to Haiti during spring break this year. I haven't really talked about it to anyone, mostly because I've been so busy coming back to campus and trying to work on grades, organizations, and relationships. As a result I haven't really taken time to express the emotional aspects of my journey. An the main reason this has been inspired is because I was interviewed by our campus newspaper, where I had to regurgitate all of the feelings and experiences from the trip. Which made me realize it was really important to write my journey in words for myself, and also for others who maybe interested about the trip and my life.
I didn't decide to go to Haiti just because of the earthquake, I've actually have been patiently waiting for God's call to go. It just so happened that God's call came when the earthquake occurred. The weeks before the trip I had to attend preparation meetings, in addition to spiritual readiness I was doing on my own. But honestly you can never really be prepared for a journey like that traveling to a third world country.
In Haiti we stayed at the pastors house, which even without central air conditioning was nicer than some American houses. We were given tasks for week, I was placed to work on building a school for the kids of Guibert, and others where given the job of building and fortifying rafters in the church. All of these tasks were accomplished and we were able to pass out large camping tents to people in the village that did not have any kind of structure to protect themselves from the elements. This was the basic physical tasks that we did and accomplished while we were there. In addition to bonding and building relationships with the orphans at the boys home.
The journey and the events were literally life changing and in the next months and weeks I'll will hopefully be posting specific stories from my trip. Please be in prayer for our constant battle against the enemy, my personal spiritual wellness, and the kingdom and people of God around the world.
I didn't decide to go to Haiti just because of the earthquake, I've actually have been patiently waiting for God's call to go. It just so happened that God's call came when the earthquake occurred. The weeks before the trip I had to attend preparation meetings, in addition to spiritual readiness I was doing on my own. But honestly you can never really be prepared for a journey like that traveling to a third world country.
In Haiti we stayed at the pastors house, which even without central air conditioning was nicer than some American houses. We were given tasks for week, I was placed to work on building a school for the kids of Guibert, and others where given the job of building and fortifying rafters in the church. All of these tasks were accomplished and we were able to pass out large camping tents to people in the village that did not have any kind of structure to protect themselves from the elements. This was the basic physical tasks that we did and accomplished while we were there. In addition to bonding and building relationships with the orphans at the boys home.
The journey and the events were literally life changing and in the next months and weeks I'll will hopefully be posting specific stories from my trip. Please be in prayer for our constant battle against the enemy, my personal spiritual wellness, and the kingdom and people of God around the world.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Hide and Seek
First I'd like to apologize if my blogs seem like I'm venting or even depressed and hopless. I feel like sometimes this is were I come to let out all my frustrations and anxiety. Which is true. . .
But anyways.. Lately life has been good for the most part. I've been reading alot of literature which is not usual for me, and I have been eating very healthy which is also weird. Cause typically I'm the guy who always has some sort of soft drink or greasy fast food hamburger in his hand. So things are oddly enough changing for the better.
Most recently I've been reading Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. Miller does a great job of making you think, I really don't like to think personally its just not my style... But I guess "thinking more" goes along with my whole change thing I'm doing. But Miller brings up alot of doubt and questioning yourself. Which for some situations its a great idea. I really need to question myself in certain aspects of my own life, probably more often than I normally do. But that brings me to what I want to talk about now.
It's been circling in my head over and over again. We even talked about it Sunday in College group. But after talking about our relationship with God and man, and how they all go together, and intertwine with each other, Grant asked us to write something that was hindering our relationship with God down on a piece of paper so he and some other could pray over them.
Well this is a longer version of what I wrote,
"I feel as though God and I are playing a game of Hide and Seek. I understand that I am supposed to be constantly pursuing God, and that he is pursuing me aswell. But we're always told that we are never going to be perfect, and we are never going to know anything. So why should we even attempt at it if we are never going to achieve what we are supposed to be striving for. Its asthough God and I take turns hiding and searching for each other. Eventually we have time to sit and rest in one another, discuss things, and enjoy each others presence. But only to start another game again. It seems like a hopeless and exhausting situation to place ones self in. So the question stand.... Why are we supposed to be chasing after a seemingly hopeless cause?"
I apologize again for the negativity, but is this not a very apparent issue? I know my heart, and I know my responsibility as a Christian and how I am supposed to pursue Christ, and I plan on continuing this. But if I'm never going to achieve my goal that I've set out for, then whats the point? Hopefully I'll soon respond with answer and maybe a story of my results. Until then, Live Long and Prosper.
But anyways.. Lately life has been good for the most part. I've been reading alot of literature which is not usual for me, and I have been eating very healthy which is also weird. Cause typically I'm the guy who always has some sort of soft drink or greasy fast food hamburger in his hand. So things are oddly enough changing for the better.
Most recently I've been reading Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. Miller does a great job of making you think, I really don't like to think personally its just not my style... But I guess "thinking more" goes along with my whole change thing I'm doing. But Miller brings up alot of doubt and questioning yourself. Which for some situations its a great idea. I really need to question myself in certain aspects of my own life, probably more often than I normally do. But that brings me to what I want to talk about now.
It's been circling in my head over and over again. We even talked about it Sunday in College group. But after talking about our relationship with God and man, and how they all go together, and intertwine with each other, Grant asked us to write something that was hindering our relationship with God down on a piece of paper so he and some other could pray over them.
Well this is a longer version of what I wrote,
"I feel as though God and I are playing a game of Hide and Seek. I understand that I am supposed to be constantly pursuing God, and that he is pursuing me aswell. But we're always told that we are never going to be perfect, and we are never going to know anything. So why should we even attempt at it if we are never going to achieve what we are supposed to be striving for. Its asthough God and I take turns hiding and searching for each other. Eventually we have time to sit and rest in one another, discuss things, and enjoy each others presence. But only to start another game again. It seems like a hopeless and exhausting situation to place ones self in. So the question stand.... Why are we supposed to be chasing after a seemingly hopeless cause?"
I apologize again for the negativity, but is this not a very apparent issue? I know my heart, and I know my responsibility as a Christian and how I am supposed to pursue Christ, and I plan on continuing this. But if I'm never going to achieve my goal that I've set out for, then whats the point? Hopefully I'll soon respond with answer and maybe a story of my results. Until then, Live Long and Prosper.
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