Warning: Rant

As a student at the University of Mary Hardin - Baylor I run across and find myself amidst people from all walks of life. Blacks, Internationals, Dallas Folks, Austinites, Public Schooled and the Dreaded Home Schooled. The majority of people on campus are completely and absolutely different. I find this to be a wonderful depiction of the Church, people coming together bringing their talents, gifts, and different perspectives to build another up. But lets get REAL for a split second, though these things may be true, nice and pretty written out. We all know that having them played out in reality is a totally different story.

For me, I have had a past filled with mistakes and incredible victories. I have been blessed with great minds, loving hearts, and unique personalities who have instilled a great time into me. I have also been burdened by trial and error style of learning, experiencing life the hard way one would most likely say. Even though things haven't been the easiest, I wouldn't have changed them for the world. Because I wouldn't be the person I am today with having gone through the pain, heartache, joy, and victories. I have learned that for me, as a imperfect human being, I find myself as a risk taker, willing to push the envelope when necessary, one to view at a level of the future and larger aspect than just the now. I hope and pray that what I do now, regardless how others may feel about it, would leave some sort of positive impact that someone can grow from later. To think that someone may think back about this skinny bearded man and say, "I didn't always agree with what he wanted to do, but I saw his heart, and I'm thankful now for what he attempted to do."

The more and more I explore, think about, and meditate on the current health of our churches, meaning the body, I find that there are a number of people who have the disease we all know, "the consistent christian" John Eldridge says in his book Wild at Heart, this day and age more men are taught to be passive and to be "nice guys", and more women are taught to be aggressive and to be "strong women". But the truth is, the Bible teaches us that men are supposed to be warriors fighting for our beliefs, faith, and women. In the same way, women are supposed to be faithful, supportive, and encouraging, fueling the fire for those men and others around them. I desperately wish that there were more people who were willing to lay themselves out, and risk everything for the simple chance of making a difference in another person life. But the pathetic truth is that because we are so worried about what others are going to think or say about us, or about our own comforts it's almost an impossible task for one to put themselves out on the edge.

As for me, I know how I feel about certain things, and that I may be willing to take risks others may think are absurd. But I pray that I would be more understanding of what others believe, how others were raised, and their process of understanding. That others may not have been as blessed as I when it comes to the training, mentoring, and experiences I have had. But regardless, I would grow in acceptance of others, and they would grow in acceptance of me. That they themselves would grow in spiritual maturity and move from their comfort to a radical life of faith, and taking of risks. I am thankful for who I have been made into, the daily frustrations that remind me of the people around me, and the ways I may be able to positively impact them.

"Let the weight of who you are weigh on the world, and then let them do with it as they will" - John Eldridge, Wild at Heart

What Goes Around, Come Around

Roughly a year and half ago after 19yrs of living with my family I found out that I was adopted. It was shocking, unexpected, and life-changing. Information like this is not typically taken well, and people who react in incorrect ways often find themselves abandoning the very people who chose them, or even trying to block the feelings of confusion and deception with anything from work, sex, relationships, alcoholism, or drug abuse. These things were true for me, I tried to use every single one of these things to try and clear my confusion, and feelings of deceit. But, regardless of how much I drank or smoked (multiple things) or worked or made relationships none of these things made anything better, they just made things worse and worse for me.

It wasn't until I was jerked out of the place I was and completely shook loose from the chains that literally were binding me to the emotions I was feeling, was I able to begin a process of healing and growth. Until I opened my eyes and completely understood that my identity is made perfect in the blood of Christ. I realize that this sounds like total cheese, a 5lb wedge of sharp cheddar if you will; but it's 100% true. Nothing else but the grace, and mercy of God made and makes me able to look past the past and move me steadily towards the future that He has for me. Because we and I are His creation, we and I are plainly under His ownership, and until we submit to this and realize our identity and role in the Kingdom of God are we finally able to achieve the things God has at hand for our lives.

Now as I've returned to the University of Mary Hardin-Baylor I find myself, honestly, easily tempted to return to the habits of old. The only thing that consistently keeps me from them is the knowledge of being called to something greater than what this world has to offer.

Funny Story Alert.

Last year as I was throwing a party at my house, I had an unexpected guest arrive. Not cops, not faculty, not my mom, but a young man whose name wont be mentioned, but rhymes with "Oven Babies". He called me outside of my house for a chat, so of course I some how peeled my inebriated self off my couch and followed. We went out to his car, at least I think it was his car, and he began attempting to speak to me about how as Christians and Christian leaders we are called to strive for something higher than what is of this world. Which at that very time and place I was very well pleasantly participating in such things. Eventually we finished our conversation and I went along with what I was doing before.

The End.

Obviously what my friend had explained to me that night hit home, and has left it's make in me. My hope and what I am finding is that this change is beginning to show its fruits. I find myself engaging others in more meaningful conversations, getting into a rhythm with my disciplines, productivity in my work, and able to share my story (like I am now) more and more often. Through all of my struggles, faults, and failures nothing that I do is not out of the control and understanding of God. The fact of the matter is that God is in control of all things, that all things happen through Him, and all things happen for Him and we as His creation are satisfied in these things.

"You make all things work together for my good." - Jesus Culture, Your Love Never Fails.

First time in a long time

It's been awhile since my last post, and quite frankly a lot has happened since too.

I left Pearland, the church, the internship, the youth, August 11th and have recently moved back to Belton to conquer yet another year at UMHB. My time in Pearland was again a time of learning and sharpening of skills and talents. Jason did another great job of challenging my abilities, emotions, and life style as I work under him at FBC. I have thoroughly enjoyed the past two years of working along side of such great spiritual leaders.

Since coming back to campus I find myself some what re-energized and ready for the school year. I left in May bitter and unhappy with specific people and situations on campus and I honestly wasn't sure how the returning school year would turn out. But to my surprise, with the exception of one or two occasions, this year so far has been a relatively smooth one. My classes are good, most are easy, I have a morning routine, and relationships with friends have been getting better.

In addition to this, FYC has been phenomenal. I will admit I have high standards for most things, its the way I was raised and the way I function. But out of all things FYC has been the one thing that has gone above my expectations every time. We inducted 63 members this year, more than there has ever been and we are meeting in the conference center again; which is where I had FYC when I was just a member. I should probably mention that I am head leader this year, I am constantly humbled and honored that I of all people would be chosen for such an organization.

All in all I'm excited to see how this year unfolds, the beginning has been nice, but we all know it is in the months to come that truly yield the out come of the year.

Prayer

Prayer is such a fickle thing. It's a our life line to God, our direct connection. He hears us, He even looks past our words and into our hearts to what we are really wanting and desiring. He knows the essence of why we are praying. Though we know what prayer looks like between God and His creation, how is prayer suppose to look like on our portion of the equation?

I first began to ponder on this long ago, I never thought I had a problem communicating with God. I would pray every night before I went to bed and prayed for help if I had any issues or situations during the day. But whats the problem with this? Prayer is meant to be much more than simple requests. Prayer is difficult. It soon became difficult for me when I analyzed my communication with Him. What was I asking? What was the content of my heart? What are my true motives of prayer? How often am I praying? What am I conversing with God about? It can be a challenge to communicate with a God, who honestly dosn't need you in any way, shape or form, including your thoughts and concerns towards Him and His Kingdom.

The beautiful thing about this though is that by God allowing us to be able to communicate with Him, is an example of Him actively pursuing and desiring a connection with His creation. Which gives us hope and encourages us to speak with Him about out concerns, thoughts, and even just our daily lives.

So again, how is our prayer life supposed to look? If our job as Christians is to be as much like God as possible, and God is actively pursuing use, then we should in part be doing the same. We in our day to day lives, schedules, and patterns must be communicating to God in confession, honesty, joy, and praise. But also we should be doing the same for the people in our lives as well.

Honestly interceding for others in prayer is probably the easiest and most important thing to do in our walk of Christian Spirituality. If we have people that we deeply care about, if we have children, or if we have a spouse, should it not be natural for us to lift those people up in prayer to God?

This has been a focus of mine in the previous weeks. That my prayer life should be edifying towards others and God, also including my confession and honesty in addition. Would you join me in this?

Haiti: Part 3/ Work

Often times I find myself in a power struggle with God. Me being the indefinite loser of all battles, wars, and skirmishes, of course. I have insecurities issues, which typically leads to me trying to prove myself in some way or another to show myself and others I am independent and capable. In case you didn't know you can't really do that with God. He is and will be infinitely in control and master of all things forever and ever, not I.

While in Guibert, our job was to build temporary schools for the village. They we're almost like stalls you would keep livestock in without the fences, or animals. . . We placed blackboard material on the insides so they could write on the walls without ruining them, and metal roofs to protect them from the rain. Because Haiti is a tropical climate, it rains almost constantly during the spring and summer. My team and I successfully built these schools in a remarkable 3 days, when we actually thought we would be working on them for the entire week.

To say the least I was proud of what I had accomplished, especially since growing up my family really didn't think I was made out for manual labor. I had proven my family wrong in that I was one of the two men on the team, and had done the majority of cutting and nailing the schools together. We soon gathered the rest of the members of the team who had been working on other things around the village. We sat under the schools and began to pray and sing praises to God. As we began to sing, it also began to rain. . . We in turn would try to sing louder than the rain, but for some reason it began to rain so hard on the metal roofs that we couldn't even hear our own voices. No matter how loud or hard we tried to out sing God, He showed us how beautiful He could sound with something with some as small and trivial as rain. We soon began to stop singing and sat and soaked ourselves in God's majesty. It was a humbling experience to say the least.

Soon after the rain subsided, we began to pray and give thanks to God for his glory, power, and mercy on us to be able to build something so important for someone else. Honestly I was still feeling as if I alone had accomplished the task by myself, even after God's deafening rain. But then I looked up toward the mountains, and to the valley that was between us. Even though it had stopped raining the clouds were still close by, and soon closed in on us. Before I knew it I was immersed in side a cloud. I couldn't see more than 3 feet in front of me, my clothes and body were completely soaked with the condensation of the cloud. My pride was crushed. God showed me how pathetic my little lean-to shack was to His cloud, composed of so much mystery and wonder that I could barely wrap my mind around it.

This moment in Haiti stood and stands out to me above almost all the other experiences. Just when I thought I knew God, and had him in the palm of my hand; God proved me wrong once again. I remember this "cloud experience" every time I think about starting a war with God. Sometimes it helps me to remember my place, and sometimes it doesn't, but all in all He revealed to me a minute portion of His wonder, mystery, and power that surpasses anything I could ever hope or dream to be. I find peace in knowing that there is a God in absolute control of my life.

Rejoice

While taking a break from my Haiti series that I have recently started. I've moved back to Pearland for the summer, till August 12th to be exact. It's quite refreshing to be back, surrounded by friends, positive leaders, and fully practicing ministry once again. It's what I live for, it's what I search for and no matter where I go this has been the one place I've actually have found it. I've considered transferring to Houston Baptist so I could be fully emersed in this community. But God has not released me to do those things yet. For some reason apart from my own, UMHB is where I am supposed to struggle, fail, grown and learn at the moment. I rejoice for God's plan for me is perfect in all ways.

Haiti: Part 3/ The way up the mountain

While in Haiti our days began with waking up at 6:30am, getting dressed and cleaned up, followed by our personal quiet time, and a traditional Haitian breakfast. A traditional Haitian breakfast consisted of lots and lots of fruit. Pineapple, mango, bannanas all freshly picked from the trees and sliced that very morning. In addition to the best dang coffee that I've ever had in m entire life, which I was lucky enough to bring back to the states with me. After our meal, we soon prepared ourselves for the day by apply sunscreen and bug replant, along with packing plenty of water. We would then pile into our means of transportation for the week. The infamous "Tap-Tap" this was a large flat bed truck that had benches installed in the back with a large metal covering protecting its passengers. You could squeeze into the cab or back, sit ontop of the canopy, or hang off the back by holding on to bars. I perferred to hold on to the bars, that way I wouldn't be bounced around in the back and be bruised. . . Because that did happen.

I write about this because the way up the mountain to the boys home where we were working reminded me so much of our walk with God. We would leave the house of Pastor Jean Helix and travel down a semi paved road, some places were smooth and some where rough. There were even some place that we were literally off-roading over rocks, dips, and limbs. It reminded me of how in our lives we go through really good times, where things are smooth and relaxing. Then other times when we experience speed bumps and find ourselves in holes (which I can give personal testament to). As we moved down the road we passed through markets where there would be crowds and crowds of people. Some would even jump on and ride with us for a few minutes to there chosen destination. Other times we would be the only thing on the road for miles in total solitude. This reminds me of how we also go through times of total solitude where we feel as though it is only ourselves, and times when you are in constant fellowship and accountability. Finally while traveling up the mountain the scenery was incredible, the views of cliffs, valleys, foliage, and wildlife. In the big scheme of things when we sit back and look at the different phases in life, and as we traveled, the beauty never left. Even in a desert there is life, and this is exactly the beauty, mystery and relativity that I experienced in Haiti, and of which I hope I have relayed to you.