7in7: Day 3

I've been fighting to stay alive during this exercise. It's much more challenging than I previously had anticipated and even more so as I try play catch up because of my knack for laziness.

This song came out of this state of tiredness and desperation, and in turn came out a little different than I had planned. It's called Rapture Me.

Verse 1
Days like today I have nothing
to give, to bring, to lay at your feet
would your mercy pour out
desperate hearts seek you now

Chorus
wont you come and take us
hand in hand to a place
where pain and sorrow can never reach
and we can dance around your feet
wont you come and rapture me

Verse 2
Every rise and fall
are counting down the days left to walk
its not these deeds that'll get me there
but this heart I have left to share

Chorus
wont you come and take us
hand in hand to a place
where pain and sorrow can never reach
and we can dance around your feet
wont you come and rapture me

Bridge
Take me down to the river side may I drink the water as if it were wine
wash me as white as snow may your blood overflow
may these weary bones anew and your light shine through
like the sun your rescue is sure to come

7in7: Day 2

This sucks. It's one thing to produce one song in a day, then have another few moments to go over it and essentially edit it. But now having to to to this in one day, 7 days in a row. . . its like being drowned in your favorite soft drink. You love it, but so much of it and your dead.

I did a little bit of roadtrip'n this weekend and it's put'n me behind, but I still made sure to gather ideas and basic melodies each day. Here's my song from Day 2: A Ghost Like You

Verse 1
I've never seen a ghost that's looked as good as you
I've never known a heart as cold as yours
I've never loved another like I loved you before
you up and left my heart broke on the floor

Chorus
You will remember
What you could have had
Regrets and misjudgments
Will haunt you
Till the day I die

Verse2
I've opened my eyes to see the world around
I've noticed that there are better things than you
So heed this warning, like a train whistle blowing
That I'm moving on, and nothing's stop'n me

Chorus
You will remember
What you could have had
Regrets and misjudgments
Will haunt you
Till the day I die

7in7: Day 1

Like I had said in my previous posting I'm taking part of a songwriting exercise created by the one and only Aaron Ivey. If you haven't heard of this guy check him out at: http://aaronivey.com/. It's called 7in7 because in the next seven days I'll be writing a brand new COMPLETE song every day.

Today was my first day and though I was terrified to begin this process I found that the past few weeks of focusing on my upcoming show, I have actually, surprisingly been storing up inspiration and ideas to write some diddly doo's.

Last night I had the opportunity to attend Brooke Fraser's Flags Tour at The Parish in downtown Austin. As I was waiting in line I couldn't help but be overwhelmed by the amount of people that were hustling and bustling around me. Being from a small town, and raised on a farm the city is almost like another world to me. I do enjoy the city, I enjoy the social atmosphere and community. But I grew up in a place where I knew everyone's name and they knew mine. Where I was able to get up, walk out of my front gate and be in the middle of the woods in mere seconds. These's are the things that inspired my first song HOME.

Verse 1.
What they say is true
This city never sleeps
Nights are wild, the streets are running thick
We only have one choice, but to get out of here quick

Chorus.
Home
I wanna go Home
Where a boy can run
In his fields of green
Home
I wanna go Home

Verse 2.
Easy come easy go
People come, seldom leave
I'll be damned if I get stuck here
Confined to these shades of gray

Chorus.
Home
I wanna go Home
Where a boy can run
In his fields of green
Home
I wanna go Home

Bridge.
Where the meadow larks sing
The stars are on top of you
The skies are wide and blue
The trees they talk to you

Chorus.
Home
I wanna go Home
Where a boy can run
In his fields of green
Home
I wanna go Home

Discernment

I haven't "blogged" in awhile. It probably has alot to do with my past few months back at the University. To give you a quick re-cap; I am incredibly busy with class and organizations, and I've been accepted to go back to Haiti in December. Thus meaning that the majority of the past few weeks have been filled with me attempting to do fund raising to support the cost of my trip. I think my biggest project is a concert I'm putting on next week. There I am actually having merch to sell, a opening band, and putting on a two hour set afterward. Its a little over my head and with the already busy year I'm having I sometimes feel as though I am sinking under the pressure of everything.
I still find myself in the constant control of God. Day to day I feel as if I am in absolute control of my path, and that I'm the only one that can direct, and change what I am, and going to do. But as I continue in my journey, I can not help to notice I have no control. My big question for God this year was, "Where should my ministry be focused?". I love music and teaching the Bible, but I've always have been confused on the fact of which one should I pursue. I've lead worship for a large Southern Baptist church here in central Texas for about a year, and I have also interned at a very large church in the Houston area. But I still have yet to find a decisive sign that is signaling me to one area.
In my search for a sign I've been focusing on music this year. Really trying to understand it and make something of it for once. Every opportunity to play with others, to open for a band, or play on campus I've at least attempted to take hoping that through these exercises and the passion be able to discern some sort of answer. Please don't misunderstand, I know I can't just make my own answer up, God is the only one who can give me that. But that I am constantly looking and hoping for it. Which brings me to some exciting news. Last week I had the chance to hang out and talk to worship leader/songwriter Aaron Ivey, Steven Bush, and Phillip Ellis as they played a House Show at the local college house. Ivey and I had spoken before, since it wasn't his first visit here, but this time we were really able to share alot about something we both have in common. Haiti. It was a blessing to be able to speak with someone that shared a similar passion for ministry and music. Though it was only a fairly brief conversation it was definitely a huge encouragement. I now am taking part in a exercise he's come up with in the past year called "7in7", basically what you do is write 7 complete, and new songs in 7 days. Then on the 8th day you meet up with Ivey and everyone else who is taking part and share a song with the group. I'm really excited about doing this, ecstatic actually even though I know I'm going to write some really really crappy songs in those 7 days.
Not that I'm trying to brown nose my way into a successful artists clique of friends, or trying to show off and impress people by doing this or saying these things. I am merely viewing this as another way of that God is directing me through the discernment of my life's ministry.

Warning: Rant

As a student at the University of Mary Hardin - Baylor I run across and find myself amidst people from all walks of life. Blacks, Internationals, Dallas Folks, Austinites, Public Schooled and the Dreaded Home Schooled. The majority of people on campus are completely and absolutely different. I find this to be a wonderful depiction of the Church, people coming together bringing their talents, gifts, and different perspectives to build another up. But lets get REAL for a split second, though these things may be true, nice and pretty written out. We all know that having them played out in reality is a totally different story.

For me, I have had a past filled with mistakes and incredible victories. I have been blessed with great minds, loving hearts, and unique personalities who have instilled a great time into me. I have also been burdened by trial and error style of learning, experiencing life the hard way one would most likely say. Even though things haven't been the easiest, I wouldn't have changed them for the world. Because I wouldn't be the person I am today with having gone through the pain, heartache, joy, and victories. I have learned that for me, as a imperfect human being, I find myself as a risk taker, willing to push the envelope when necessary, one to view at a level of the future and larger aspect than just the now. I hope and pray that what I do now, regardless how others may feel about it, would leave some sort of positive impact that someone can grow from later. To think that someone may think back about this skinny bearded man and say, "I didn't always agree with what he wanted to do, but I saw his heart, and I'm thankful now for what he attempted to do."

The more and more I explore, think about, and meditate on the current health of our churches, meaning the body, I find that there are a number of people who have the disease we all know, "the consistent christian" John Eldridge says in his book Wild at Heart, this day and age more men are taught to be passive and to be "nice guys", and more women are taught to be aggressive and to be "strong women". But the truth is, the Bible teaches us that men are supposed to be warriors fighting for our beliefs, faith, and women. In the same way, women are supposed to be faithful, supportive, and encouraging, fueling the fire for those men and others around them. I desperately wish that there were more people who were willing to lay themselves out, and risk everything for the simple chance of making a difference in another person life. But the pathetic truth is that because we are so worried about what others are going to think or say about us, or about our own comforts it's almost an impossible task for one to put themselves out on the edge.

As for me, I know how I feel about certain things, and that I may be willing to take risks others may think are absurd. But I pray that I would be more understanding of what others believe, how others were raised, and their process of understanding. That others may not have been as blessed as I when it comes to the training, mentoring, and experiences I have had. But regardless, I would grow in acceptance of others, and they would grow in acceptance of me. That they themselves would grow in spiritual maturity and move from their comfort to a radical life of faith, and taking of risks. I am thankful for who I have been made into, the daily frustrations that remind me of the people around me, and the ways I may be able to positively impact them.

"Let the weight of who you are weigh on the world, and then let them do with it as they will" - John Eldridge, Wild at Heart

What Goes Around, Come Around

Roughly a year and half ago after 19yrs of living with my family I found out that I was adopted. It was shocking, unexpected, and life-changing. Information like this is not typically taken well, and people who react in incorrect ways often find themselves abandoning the very people who chose them, or even trying to block the feelings of confusion and deception with anything from work, sex, relationships, alcoholism, or drug abuse. These things were true for me, I tried to use every single one of these things to try and clear my confusion, and feelings of deceit. But, regardless of how much I drank or smoked (multiple things) or worked or made relationships none of these things made anything better, they just made things worse and worse for me.

It wasn't until I was jerked out of the place I was and completely shook loose from the chains that literally were binding me to the emotions I was feeling, was I able to begin a process of healing and growth. Until I opened my eyes and completely understood that my identity is made perfect in the blood of Christ. I realize that this sounds like total cheese, a 5lb wedge of sharp cheddar if you will; but it's 100% true. Nothing else but the grace, and mercy of God made and makes me able to look past the past and move me steadily towards the future that He has for me. Because we and I are His creation, we and I are plainly under His ownership, and until we submit to this and realize our identity and role in the Kingdom of God are we finally able to achieve the things God has at hand for our lives.

Now as I've returned to the University of Mary Hardin-Baylor I find myself, honestly, easily tempted to return to the habits of old. The only thing that consistently keeps me from them is the knowledge of being called to something greater than what this world has to offer.

Funny Story Alert.

Last year as I was throwing a party at my house, I had an unexpected guest arrive. Not cops, not faculty, not my mom, but a young man whose name wont be mentioned, but rhymes with "Oven Babies". He called me outside of my house for a chat, so of course I some how peeled my inebriated self off my couch and followed. We went out to his car, at least I think it was his car, and he began attempting to speak to me about how as Christians and Christian leaders we are called to strive for something higher than what is of this world. Which at that very time and place I was very well pleasantly participating in such things. Eventually we finished our conversation and I went along with what I was doing before.

The End.

Obviously what my friend had explained to me that night hit home, and has left it's make in me. My hope and what I am finding is that this change is beginning to show its fruits. I find myself engaging others in more meaningful conversations, getting into a rhythm with my disciplines, productivity in my work, and able to share my story (like I am now) more and more often. Through all of my struggles, faults, and failures nothing that I do is not out of the control and understanding of God. The fact of the matter is that God is in control of all things, that all things happen through Him, and all things happen for Him and we as His creation are satisfied in these things.

"You make all things work together for my good." - Jesus Culture, Your Love Never Fails.

First time in a long time

It's been awhile since my last post, and quite frankly a lot has happened since too.

I left Pearland, the church, the internship, the youth, August 11th and have recently moved back to Belton to conquer yet another year at UMHB. My time in Pearland was again a time of learning and sharpening of skills and talents. Jason did another great job of challenging my abilities, emotions, and life style as I work under him at FBC. I have thoroughly enjoyed the past two years of working along side of such great spiritual leaders.

Since coming back to campus I find myself some what re-energized and ready for the school year. I left in May bitter and unhappy with specific people and situations on campus and I honestly wasn't sure how the returning school year would turn out. But to my surprise, with the exception of one or two occasions, this year so far has been a relatively smooth one. My classes are good, most are easy, I have a morning routine, and relationships with friends have been getting better.

In addition to this, FYC has been phenomenal. I will admit I have high standards for most things, its the way I was raised and the way I function. But out of all things FYC has been the one thing that has gone above my expectations every time. We inducted 63 members this year, more than there has ever been and we are meeting in the conference center again; which is where I had FYC when I was just a member. I should probably mention that I am head leader this year, I am constantly humbled and honored that I of all people would be chosen for such an organization.

All in all I'm excited to see how this year unfolds, the beginning has been nice, but we all know it is in the months to come that truly yield the out come of the year.