Hide and Seek

First I'd like to apologize if my blogs seem like I'm venting or even depressed and hopless. I feel like sometimes this is were I come to let out all my frustrations and anxiety. Which is true. . .
But anyways.. Lately life has been good for the most part. I've been reading alot of literature which is not usual for me, and I have been eating very healthy which is also weird. Cause typically I'm the guy who always has some sort of soft drink or greasy fast food hamburger in his hand. So things are oddly enough changing for the better.

Most recently I've been reading Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. Miller does a great job of making you think, I really don't like to think personally its just not my style... But I guess "thinking more" goes along with my whole change thing I'm doing. But Miller brings up alot of doubt and questioning yourself. Which for some situations its a great idea. I really need to question myself in certain aspects of my own life, probably more often than I normally do. But that brings me to what I want to talk about now.

It's been circling in my head over and over again. We even talked about it Sunday in College group. But after talking about our relationship with God and man, and how they all go together, and intertwine with each other, Grant asked us to write something that was hindering our relationship with God down on a piece of paper so he and some other could pray over them.
Well this is a longer version of what I wrote,

"I feel as though God and I are playing a game of Hide and Seek. I understand that I am supposed to be constantly pursuing God, and that he is pursuing me aswell. But we're always told that we are never going to be perfect, and we are never going to know anything. So why should we even attempt at it if we are never going to achieve what we are supposed to be striving for. Its asthough God and I take turns hiding and searching for each other. Eventually we have time to sit and rest in one another, discuss things, and enjoy each others presence. But only to start another game again. It seems like a hopeless and exhausting situation to place ones self in. So the question stand.... Why are we supposed to be chasing after a seemingly hopeless cause?"

I apologize again for the negativity, but is this not a very apparent issue? I know my heart, and I know my responsibility as a Christian and how I am supposed to pursue Christ, and I plan on continuing this. But if I'm never going to achieve my goal that I've set out for, then whats the point? Hopefully I'll soon respond with answer and maybe a story of my results. Until then, Live Long and Prosper.

My Story.

I was born in Houston and then swiftly taken to Normangee when I was 4yrs old. So that I could grow up in a small town, and do whatever I wanted without to much competition from other students. Normangee was a nice town, had the largest tractor dealership in the state and was know as the "Deerest Place in Texas". An I ended up graduating with 31 in my class of 2008.

I was blessed with my dysfunctional family of three; Mom, Dad and I. My Mom is a teacher/coach at Normangee and taught me several times growing up. She is the type of woman who all ways wants to be in control of every situation. Even if it has nothing to do with her, I once caught her pilfering through my backpack in the middle of the night, checking to see if I had answered all my math homework correctly. An my Dad is the local A/C man for Normangee, He is the kinda of man who shows his love through working from 7am - 9pm, providing for his family, and spending his down time asleep in his recliner. As for me, I was a skinny awkward kid who was just pretty average, and unathletic. So, growing up in a 1A football town was a little tough, to say the least but I did enjoy it for the most part.

I grew up going to church, Sunday school, youth, etc. I was never the kid who could spit out Psalm 23 on command, or the one who could recite the Roman Road with out pausing for a breathe. But as the years went by, I realized I was the one who had built my very own personal faith, without much influence from my family. I had my own values and beliefs that I had made myself from my experiences and life lessons. God was developing me very quickly in a short amount of time. From the point when I accepted Christ in Junior High and up until now, my life looks like a huge roller coaster full of twists, loops and dives. I personally hate roller coasters, I think I dislike the instability the most. Like my Mom, I enjoy being in control. An that is the thing God challenges me with the most. Being in control.

When I came home from college last summer, I spent the month of May with my parents in Normangee before going off to my internship in Pearland. I don't especially enjoy hanging out in Normangee, I just don't have much in common with the people there anymore. But one night in particular my parents sat me down to have a "serious" conversation. I knew something was up, my Mom looked like the life was sucked out of her, and my grandparents were there as well. As my Mom began to talk, the tears started coming and started becoming more and more confused. But finally the words came, "Jonathan, your adopted." and for a split second everything became so clear.

After learning of my adoption, things have been becoming clear and cloudy. Off and on things get better and worse. Storms come and go, but I know one things is for certain. No matter how unstable, and no matter how much like a dreadful roller coaster my life becomes, that strong personal relationship God established with me will never change. It will never go away, and will never fade. There are things that I still don't know, and things that I will never know. But as for me and my journey, I will always be on the path that God has before me.